Becoming the Woman I Needed
For every girl who thought she had to be ‘good’.
This morning, I woke up with a jolt - halfway through a dream that hurled me back into the skin of my 17-year-old self. It wasn’t a pleasant nostalgia trip. It was raw. Unfiltered. And brutally honest.
Seventeen-year-old me was the ultimate people pleaser. A doormat. An emotional support animal in Doc Martens and (badly applied) glitter eyeliner. I had a boyfriend who cheated on me regularly (I didn’t know it at the time, but oh, hindsight). I was so desperate to be liked - to be loved - that I ignored all the signs. I clung to crumbs of affection like they were the whole damn cake.
My reaction to fear wasn’t fight, flight, or freeze. It was fawn. That’s when you become excessively accommodating to avoid conflict or disapproval - a trauma response, not a personality trait. I’d laugh at jokes made at my expense. Forgive shitty behaviour immediately. Say “yes” to things I didn’t want. (This is why enthusiastic consent matters, by the way.)
I was so proud of being kind, “low maintenance”, and socially acceptable. I wore that like a badge of honour. I’d swoop in as “Miss People Rescuer” for anyone and everyone. Always available. Always useful. Always smiling. And always… lost.
As I write this now, tears stream down my face. Not in sadness. But in awe. In joy at how far I’ve come.
I think my brain gifted me that dream for a reason. A reminder. A reckoning. A momentous realisation.
If that 17-year-old version of me were standing in front of me now, teary-eyed and grateful for any scrap of love, what would I say to her?
Honestly? Nothing. I wouldn’t rescue her. I wouldn’t try to fix or change a thing. Because she got me here. To this moment. Sitting on my sofa, joyful, grounded, and deeply, unapologetically me. I love my life. I love what I do. I wouldn’t risk altering a single decision that got me to this place.
The Magic of The HR Big Meet
The past two days have been a whirlwind of love, laughter, and power. The HR Big Meet was everything I’d hoped for and more. A room full of brilliant, badass women - raw, vulnerable, sharp as tacks, and changing the world one workplace at a time.
It was masterfully held by the magnificent Emma Djemil and her team - magic makers, every one of them.
And I got to co-create something powerful with the utterly fabulous Sophie Meaney. Considering we’ve only known each other for a few months and Friday was our first IRL meet, what we delivered together was pure alchemy. Or in Sophie’s own (gloriously bold) words:
“And if you’ll forgive the flagrant immodesty, we were pretty damn good at it.”
We spoke about Good Girl Conditioning - that insidious internal script that teaches women to play small, people-please, rescue others, and devalue their own worth. We challenged the toxic narratives still embedded in HR. And we saw the pennies drop. Those realisations that…
We are not broken.
We’re just responding to a system designed to keep us behaving.
We are giving away our power. Sitting at tables we built without demanding our rightful place at them. Working in systems not built for us to thrive in.
But we are changing that. Together.
And Then There Was Jule
Yesterday, I had the absolute joy of going to the wedding of a dear friend - Jule. I walked into that celebration carrying the emotional high of the Big Meet and found myself surrounded again by a group of wonderful women I’d met for the first time at her hen do.
And do you know what I felt? Unconditional love. Acceptance. Joy.
Women coming together to laugh, to share, to celebrate love - it is no small thing. It is an act of rebellion.
For centuries, we’ve been told that women are the enemy. That we should compete. Distrust. Tear each other down. That there’s only room for one of us at the top. That our power is dangerous, especially when we come together.
But yesterday we proved, once again, how wrong that lie is. It was pure rebellion in glitter and heels. It was sacred and strong. We were the revolution, wrapped in laughter, Prosecco, hugs, and happy tears.
What’s Next?
💥 We’re doing a LinkedIn Live lunchtime session on 5th June to continue the conversation. Bring your curiosity, your rage, your hope - all of it. Join us here: LinkedIn Live Event
💥 And if you’re ready to truly become Unfuckwithable, doors are open for my six-month online group coaching programme starting this September. It’s called Rise Above - named that way so you can pitch it to your manager without triggering their inner Daily Mail reader.
🧡 Early riser pricing finishes 31st May.
🧡 Payment plans available.
🧡 There’s even a copy-and-paste email template to help you ask for employer funding.
All the juicy details are here: michelleminnikin.com/rise-above-the-group-experience
We don’t need fixing. We’ve just been trained. And now, we get to deprogramme.
With love, truth, and zero apologies,
Michelle x
Looking forward to our IRL meeting after all this while of fan-girling at Unlikeable Women xxxx