It’s Scary Out There

What Teenage Girls Are Facing and How We Can Help

Last week, I had the absolute privilege of stepping into a classroom filled with teenage girls (and a few curious Year 7 boys) as part of the inspiring work of The Power of Women social interest company. Honestly, we’ve been trying to win the lottery so we can help fund this important mission!

The session was a powerful reminder of why I do the work I do. We talked about what it feels like to be a teenager growing up right now - and let me tell you, it was a mix of raw honesty, anxiety, and those small but mighty glimmers of excitement. Others lit up when talking about their dreams for the future.

These conversations matter. They matter deeply.

Teenage Girls Speak Out: “It’s Scary Out There”

When we asked them, “How does it feel to be a teenager growing up right now?” — the answers were raw and unfiltered.

Many of them described their world as “scary.” And as they shared their stories, it wasn’t hard to see why.

They spoke of:

• Being approached or followed by strange men while walking home or waiting for friends.

• Adults approaching them - sometimes homeless, sometimes intoxicated, sometimes under the influence of drugs - asking for money, to borrow their phone or trying to engage them in conversation.

• Peer pressure to try vapes despite not wanting to.

• Feeling coerced into doing things they didn’t want to do but being afraid to say no.

These aren’t small, isolated experiences. They’re part of a larger story about how unsafe many teenagers feel in their everyday lives. And unlike the “stranger danger” lessons we were taught as kids, these threats aren’t lurking in dark alleyways - they’re happening in broad daylight, on their walk home from school, at the park, or in front of the shops.

The most heartbreaking part? Several of them admitted that they felt they couldn’t say no - not to friends, not to adults, and certainly not to men.

This is why I do this work. Because if children don’t learn how to say no as teenagers, they’ll struggle to say no as adults. And that “Good Girl” conditioning - the one that teaches us to be polite, helpful, and never make anyone feel uncomfortable - only makes it worse.

The Wisdom of Women: Passing Down Advice from Last Week’s Post

Last week, I asked my online community a simple but powerful question:

“What advice would you give to your teenage self?”

The responses were amazing. I shared some of these messages with the students, and I could see the impact as they listened. (Some didn’t land as well, it was good to discuss these too)

Here are a few of the most powerful messages I shared with them:

• “Don’t waste time worrying about being ‘likeable.’ Be bold, be kind, and be YOU.”

• “Ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone.”

• “Trust your gut.” (This one got a LOT of attention when I explained that the gut is literally the oldest brain in the human body — cue giggles, gasps, and faces of disbelief. I’m sure a few of them would be googling this as soon as I left!)

I hope these words stuck, all it takes is the right message at the right time to plant a seed of self-belief.

The Self-Esteem Gender Gap

Here’s something I talk about a lot in my book Good Girl Deprogramming, and it’s worth repeating:

Research shows that between ages 8-14, girls' confidence drops by 30%, while boys' confidence rises and is 27% higher by age 14.

Think about that for a second.

These girls, who at age 8 were bold, curious, and full of energy, suddenly start dimming their own light. Why? Because they’ve absorbed all the messages society feeds them about “being good” — be quiet, be polite, don’t take up space, don’t be bossy, don’t be loud, be pretty, be small.

And then there’s the unspoken message that underpins it all:

Your value is tied to how attractive you are to the opposite sex.

This message comes in so many subtle (and not-so-subtle) forms. It’s in the media they consume, where the “pretty girl” is the one who gets the attention and the “loud girl” is portrayed as a problem. It’s in the comments from family members like, “You’ll break hearts when you’re older,” and in the focus on appearance over intelligence, effort, or kindness.

At a time when girls should be exploring their identity and developing their confidence, they’re instead being taught to seek validation from boys and men. They learn to see themselves through someone else’s eyes.

What happens next? They start to perform.

• They shrink themselves to be “cute, not bossy.”

• They carefully choose their words in case they sound “too much.”

• They prioritise being liked over being safe.

The result? They head out into the world with lower confidence, second-guessing themselves at every turn.

I see this pattern carry into adulthood - women afraid to ask for pay rises, afraid to call out bad behaviour at work, afraid to take risks for fear of being “too much.” This is why I wrote Good Girl Deprogramming - to help grown women break free from it. But what if we didn’t wait until they were adults? What if we taught teenage girls to break free from Good Girl Conditioning before it even takes hold?

This is why this conversation matters. If we don’t intervene while they’re teenagers, the self-doubt only grows roots.

The Big Question: Is It Time for a Book for Teenage Girls?

Here’s where I’d love your thoughts.

My next book project has always been clear in my mind: Good Girl Deprogramming at Work.

Why? Because too many brilliant women walk into the workforce and get stuck. They get overlooked for promotions, they burn out trying to “be good,” and they end up doubting themselves.

But after last week’s session with these girls, I’m wondering:

Do we need a version of Good Girl Deprogramming for teenage girls first?

Would it be more powerful to reach them before they enter the workplace? To break down the “Good Girl” rules they’ve been handed before they have a chance to become barriers to success?

I’d love your perspective on this. Which would have the bigger impact:

1. Good Girl Deprogramming at Work (for adult women navigating the world of work)

2. Good Girl Deprogramming for Teenage Girls (for young girls navigating self-esteem, confidence, and adolescence)

There’s space for both, of course. But which is most urgently needed right now?

I’m grateful to The Power of Women for creating spaces where young people can have these conversations. It’s work that feels more vital than ever. But I also know that the work doesn’t end in the classroom - it’s in our homes, our workplaces, and the narratives we choose to pass on.

---

And What Else is Happening?

1. Good Girl Deprogramming Podcast

In this hard-hitting episode of the Good Girl Deprogramming podcast, I’m joined by the brilliant Harriet Waley-Cohen, a fierce advocate for gender equality and women’s empowerment in the workplace. Together, we tackle some of the most uncomfortable truths about organisational culture, shining a light on the “dark corners” of corporate life that polite conversations and glossy DEI statements often fail to address.

We dig into how NDAs are used to cover up systemic issues, the hidden costs of workplace “niceness,” and why it’s time for companies to stop “fixing women” and start fixing the systems that hold them back. Harriet also shares a powerful new perspective on allyship, accountability, and what real cultural change requires.

This is a raw, unfiltered conversation designed to challenge you, provoke reflection, and inspire action. If you’ve ever questioned your role in addressing inequality at work - or wondered what more you could do - this episode is ABSOLUTELY for you.

You can find it on all the usual podcasting platforms or on YouTube -

2. WTF (Women Talking Facts)

This week, Felice and I discussed all the incidents of misogyny in the wild with WTF (Women Talking Facts).

You can watch the replay here.

If you want to tune in live, for the last time in 2024, next Friday morning at 10:30, you can do so here.

Also - if you do see any incidences of misogyny in the wild, pop them over to us!

(This is a screenshot - if you want to watch the video, the link is above!)

3. Signed Book Posting Deadline

If you’ve got Good Girl Deprogramming on your Christmas wish list (or you’re thinking of gifting it to someone who needs it), here’s a little heads-up:

🎁 The last day to order signed copies for UK Christmas delivery is THIS Wednesday (16th)! 🎁

Whether it’s for a friend, a sister, a colleague, or yourself (because self-gifts are 100% valid), a signed copy makes it that little bit more special.

Get your signed copy here.

This is all from me today.

Take care,

Mx