Trust Yourself

Why We Women Don’t - And How to Start

Oct 20, 2024

There’s a reason why the phrase “trust yourself” feels so hard to live by, especially for women. We’re often taught from a young age to seek external validation, follow the rules, and please others, leaving little room for self-trust. But what happens when we stop seeking that validation and start trusting ourselves?

This week had two experiences that hit me like a wake-up call - one with my speaking coach, Sarah, the other with my friend, coach and book wing-woman Ceryn - that showed me just how much I’ve been not trusting myself. And more importantly, what a difference it makes when I finally do.

Putting Down the Script

Each week, I work with my speaking coach, Sarah Archer at a rehearsal studio to refine my talks. One week, I was holding onto my script like it was a lifeboat. The talk felt flat, robotic, and honestly, boring. I knew something was off, but I was too afraid to let go of the script.

My coach noticed and said, “Put the script down. Trust yourself.”

So I did. And the difference? Stark. No, I didn’t get every single word in. But was I more me? More funny, engaging, and alive? Absolutely. It was a moment of realisation - trusting myself didn’t mean getting everything perfect. It meant being authentic, present, and allowing my own voice to come through.

Learning to Trust from the Oracle

A few hours later, I attended a workshop called Reclaiming the Inner Prophetess led by

Ceryn Rowntree

. She shared a story about the Oracle of Delphi, where a sign at the temple reads, “Know Yourself.”

Ceryn explained that to truly know yourself, you must also trust yourself. It’s not enough to know your strengths or weaknesses on a surface level. You have to listen to your gut, trust your intuition, and believe that you already have the answers inside.

Hearing this so soon after my speaking coach’s advice felt like the universe was tapping me on the shoulder, asking me to pay attention. It made me reflect, how often have I second-guessed my instincts, hesitated, or looked to others for reassurance instead of trusting my own wisdom?

Why We Struggle to Trust Ourselves

The reasons why many women find it hard to trust themselves are deeply ingrained in our upbringing and culture. We’re taught to be good, to follow the rules, to seek approval, and not to make waves. This conditioning chips away at our confidence, leading us to question our own decisions and look outside for guidance.

We’re also surrounded by external noise - opinions from friends, family, colleagues, social media - that makes it easy to tune out our own inner voice. And when you’ve spent so much time seeking approval or following others’ advice, trusting yourself can feel like stepping into the unknown.

What It Means to Trust Yourself

For me, trusting myself means listening to my intuition, letting go of perfection, and allowing my authentic voice to shine through. It’s recognising that I have the answers, and that I don’t need someone else’s approval to know what’s right for me.

This reminded me of one of my favourite quotes from The Wizard of Oz, when Glinda the Good Witch says to Dorothy…

“You’ve always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”

That’s the essence of self-trust - knowing that you already have the wisdom and strength within you.

How to Start Trusting Yourself

1. Put Down the Script - whether it’s a literal script or a metaphorical one, let go of the need to have everything perfectly planned or scripted. Trust that you know enough and that being authentically you is more powerful than getting every detail right.

2. Listen to Your Gut - pay attention to how things feel. Your intuition is a powerful guide, but it can get drowned out by fear, doubt, or outside opinions. Take time to tune in to what you feel, not what others expect.

3. Celebrate the Wins - every time you trust yourself and it works out—even if it’s just a small thing - celebrate it. Acknowledge that your inner voice is reliable, and over time, this will build your confidence in trusting yourself even more.

4. Let Go of Perfection: Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you’ll always get it right, and that’s okay. It’s about embracing imperfection and knowing that you’re capable, resilient, and wise enough to handle whatever happens.

Trusting yourself is an ongoing practice, not a one-time decision. It takes courage to stop looking outside for validation and instead turn inward. But the more you trust yourself, the more you’ll discover your own power, creativity, and confidence. So, put down the script, listen to your gut, and start trusting that you are enough.

And What Else is Happening?

1. Good Girl Deprogramming Podcast

Here’s Episode 7 with Vicky Campbell.

In this episode of the Good Girl Deprogramming Podcast, I am joined by Vicky Campbell, a coach and HR expert, to discuss the complexities of being a “good girl” at work and the toll it takes on our authentic selves. We dive deep into the emotional exhaustion that comes from masking, people-pleasing, and constantly trying to fit into rigid workplace expectations.

A passionate, driven and honest Change Maker. Having worked across most HR Specialisms in the fast go, go, go Financial Services industry for 20 years Vicky knows a thing or two about Change!

Vicky loves people; she specifically love developing people. Listening to their needs and being creative in transforming their career journey. A pink haired free spirit, with a desire to break down barriers.

Here it is on YouTube -