What If Patriarchy Is the Cult We Never Realised We Joined?
Unlearning the bullsh*t we never signed up for.
You know how cults work, right?
They lure you in with promises of belonging, clarity, purpose. They give you rules to follow, tell you who you can trust, how to behave, what to wear, what to believe.
They punish deviation and reward compliance. They isolate you from dissenting voices and tell you you’re free, as long as you play by their rules.
Now imagine that cult is… society.
And its name is Patriarchy.
The Cult With No Exit Sign
We tend to think of cults as fringe: bizarre communities in remote places with strange dress codes, rituals and chanting.
But what if you were born into one? What if everyone around you was also in it, and so nobody questioned it? (And yes, I know people are born into actual cults. Awful.)
That’s what patriarchy is. A culture so normalised, so pervasive, that it’s invisible. Until it isn’t.
You grow up being praised for being quiet, helpful, pretty.
You get rewarded for being agreeable, undemanding, “nice”.
You learn not to question authority, not to make a fuss, not to take up space.
And if you do speak up, get angry, or push back?
You're labelled difficult. Aggressive. Hysterical. A bitch.
So you shrink. You overthink. You smile through clenched teeth.
You follow the rules. You become a “Good Girl”.
The Invisible Rulebook
As I wrote in Good Girl Deprogramming, the conditioning starts young. We're handed an invisible rulebook the moment we're born:
Be quiet.
Be good.
Be accommodating.
Be grateful.
Don’t make a scene.
Don’t ask for too much.
Most of us don’t even realise we’ve internalised it until we hit a wall - burnout, a toxic job, a boundary crossed, a quiet voice inside whispering "Is this really it?"
That’s when the cracks start to show.
That’s when we start deprogramming.
But It’s Not Just About Women
Patriarchy doesn’t just condition women to be good girls, it trains men too.
It teaches them to be invulnerable, dominant, unemotional, always in control.
To never ask for help.
To never cry.
To see vulnerability as weakness.
To define their worth by power, sex, and success.
This is “Model Man Conditioning”. And it’s just as damaging.
It creates pressure cookers of rage, loneliness, shame, and fear - because men are human. And humans need connection, softness, permission to be messy, love. But the cult of patriarchy punishes those things in men.
It teaches them to suppress instead of express. To dominate instead of collaborate. And when they don’t (or can’t) live up to those expectations? They're shamed, ridiculed, or pushed to the margins.
So while women are told to shrink themselves, men are told to harden.
And everyone suffers.
The truth is: patriarchy harms us all.
But it promises us safety if we just keep complying.
Deprogramming Is the Work
Deprogramming from a cult doesn’t mean just walking away.
It means slowly, painfully, unlearning.
It means rebuilding your sense of self outside the system that shaped you.
It’s terrifying. It’s exhilarating. It’s messy.
It’s asking:
Who am I when I’m not performing for approval?
What do I want when I stop trying to be palatable?
Where is my voice when I stop silencing it?
What would freedom feel like, not just for me, but for all of us?
From Cult to Consciousness
In my work, I see this cult show up in women’s and men’s careers every day:
Women who can’t say no because they’ve been trained to serve.
Men who silently shoulder crushing expectations and call it “resilience”.
Teams run by fear and hierarchy instead of curiosity and inclusion.
Leaders performing roles they were never allowed to question.
And when we name it - Patriarchy is the cult - something powerful shifts.
There’s relief.
There’s rage.
There’s hope.
Because if it’s a system, not a flaw in you…
Then it can be challenged.
And you can be free.
What Now?
Deprogramming is a journey, not a destination. And it’s one we don’t have to walk alone.
Whether you’re just starting to question the rules, or you’re ready to set them all on fire, I see you.
We don’t need fixing.
We need freedom.
And the first step is recognising the cult we’re in.
So…
What if patriarchy is the cult you never realised you joined?
And what if now is the time to leave it behind - for good?