For most of my life, the word “no” felt dangerous. Like a threat to my likability. I was a classic Good Girl - raised to be agreeable, helpful, nice. I said yes to everything. Every favour. Every extra project. Every last-minute ask. I smiled through it all, even when my inner voice was screaming enough.
And while everyone else saw someone who had it all together, what they didn’t see was the resentment quietly building up underneath.
Resentment: The Red Flag I Ignored
I didn’t recognise it at the time, but the simmering frustration, the silent seething, the emotional exhaustion - that was resentment. And it was trying to tell me something important.
I felt taken for granted. Overlooked. Like my needs were invisible. But I never expressed it. I didn’t even allow myself to fully feel it. Because I thought it wasn’t “nice” to be resentful.
Instead, I swallowed it. Smiled harder. Said yes again.
But resentment doesn’t go away when you ignore it. It festers. And for me, it turned into full-blown burnout.
I Put Everyone Else First - Until There Was Nothing Left
Looking back, I can see how I routinely put everyone else’s needs above my own. I would drop everything to help a friend, take on extra work without question, or rearrange my whole life just to keep the peace. I thought being available and selfless made me valuable, but really, it was a slow erosion of my own needs, dreams and wellbeing. I didn’t even ask myself what I needed, because I was too busy trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. And the truth is, putting yourself last doesn’t make you good - it just makes you tired and resentful.
And here’s what I know now: every time you say yes to everyone else, you’re quietly saying no to yourself. No to rest. No to your goals. No to the life you’re meant to be living. And eventually, your body and spirit keep the score.
I Had No Boundaries - And It Cost Me
When people told me I “needed boundaries,” I wanted to scream. Of course I need boundaries! But where the hell do you buy them? Can you get them at Amazon? I didn’t know where to start. I just knew I was exhausted and quietly furious - at myself, at others, at the whole bloody world.
That’s the thing about Good Girl Conditioning, it teaches us to prioritise being liked over being honest. To serve others at the expense of ourselves. And then it makes us feel guilty when we feel bitter or drained. Like we’re massive arseholes.
Sacred Boundaries: A New Way In
Everything shifted when I began to view boundaries not as walls, but as sacred containers. Boundaries protect your energy. They honour your values. They create space for what actually matters, and they protect you from the slow poison of resentment.
That’s why I created the Sacred Boundaries: The Art of the Gentle No workshop. It’s a space to unlearn the idea that saying no makes you difficult, selfish, or ungrateful. It’s where we practise setting limits before we hit the point of rage and withdrawal.
What I Know Now
Resentment is information. It tells you where your needs are going unmet.
Boundaries are not punishments - they’re protection.
Saying no is an act of self-love.
You are allowed to disappoint others in order to honour yourself.
These days, I still feel the occasional twinge of guilt when I say no, but it no longer wins. Because I’ve learned that a resentful yes is far more damaging than a gentle no. And I finally believe that’s enough.
Baby Steps to Boundary Setting
If you’re new to boundaries, start by listening to your resentments - they’re not petty or dramatic; they’re your body’s way of saying, a boundary is being squished here. That bubbling frustration? That drained feeling after a conversation or request? That’s a clue. You don’t have to confront anyone dramatically or call a meeting to set a boundary. Honestly, sometimes it’s just a quiet decision: I’m not available for that anymore.
Think of boundaries as small, clear, calm statements, not big, dramatic scenes. As Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” It’s okay to start with something simple like, “Actually, I can’t help with that right now” or “I’ll need to think about it and get back to you.” You’re allowed to set limits without over-explaining or apologising. It’s not about being unkind, it’s about being honest.
🗝️ Sacred Boundaries - The Gentle No
The Second Key in the Summer of Sovereignty series
If Rooted Truth is about hearing your inner voice again, then Sacred Boundaries is about protecting it.
This immersion is for you if:
✨ You’re tired of putting everyone else’s needs before your own
✨ You’re simmering with quiet resentment but still saying “yes” with a smile
✨ You know boundaries are important, but you’ve no idea where to start
This is not about becoming rigid or confrontational.
This is about protecting your peace without losing your softness.
Because when you’re saying yes to everyone, you’re saying no to yourself.
And your body knows it - the resentment, exhaustion, and overwhelm are trying to tell you something.
This immersion is about:
Learning to say no without guilt or performance
Understanding how Good Girl Conditioning taught you to self-abandon
Practising small, everyday boundaries - not dramatic showdowns
Listening to your resentment as a signal, not a flaw
Setting boundaries is an act of love, for yourself and for others. And it doesn’t need to be a big deal. You don’t have to call a huge meeting and bollock anyone. You just start small. Quietly. Gently.
Here’s what you’ll get when you join Sacred Boundaries:
We’ll gather for a 90-minute live Zoom immersion where I’ll guide you through reflection, real-time prompts, and practical tools to help you recognise where your boundaries are being pushed, and how to gently hold your ground.
Then we’ll move into a 30-minute Integration Lounge - a soft space to ask questions, process what surfaced, and feel supported in your next steps.
You’ll also receive a set of journal prompts to help you continue the work in your own time, plus access to the replay if you can’t make it live.
This is not fluffy empowerment talk. It’s boundary work.
It’s sovereignty work.
It’s you choosing yourself, without apology.
You’ll walk away with:
– Language to set boundaries without guilt
– A new relationship with resentment (as a guide, not a shame signal)
– The courage to say no without over-explaining
– Practical ways to stop abandoning yourself in the name of being “nice”
If you’re exhausted from being available to everyone but yourself, this is your moment to draw a new line in the sand.
Friday 18 July | 12:00–13:30 (BST) + 30 min Integration Lounge
Live on Zoom (replays available)
You don’t have to be bold. You just have to begin. One tiny no at a time.
P.S.
Sacred Boundaries is the second of a 7-part Summer of Sovereignty workshop series for women ready to stop shape-shifting and start living from a place of clarity, courage and self-trust.
Each immersion is £49, or you can save £44 by booking the full series for £299.
Maybe see you there?
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